Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
