Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
