So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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