guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
