I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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