I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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