um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
