I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize