Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
