I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The power of my boobs compel you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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