The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
