Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
