Can Purell be used as lube?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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