This beer is not sobering me up at all
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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