I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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