I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
