Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
