Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
