Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
