Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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