We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
