you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
