i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize