I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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