Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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