did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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