i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
