just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
