so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
