Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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