Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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