my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How naked do you want me to be?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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