I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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