ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
