They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I smell like Dick and happiness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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