Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
