even my farts smell like vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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