so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just gargled with NyQuil
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
