Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
