I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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