I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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