Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
