Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
