he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
