if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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