I'm jealous of your bromance
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
