I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
