And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
