is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
