that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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