I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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