Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
