I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
