SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
