Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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