I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
