in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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