Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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