Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
