I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
